I am having trouble writing here. I mean I know at least one of my sisters reads this blog, which I started kind of for her, but also a way to chronicle my thoughts and probably more just as therapy for me. This is my way of talking thru things, and of remembering things, and of just journaling. The reason I'm having a bit of trouble is that I love my sisters, but I can't go back and this probably isn't the place that Heather should read this.
Last month I struggled with the whole "how do people live this transient lifestyle"..."how do folks walk away from friends...from family". I still really don't know the answer to those questions, but the bigger thing for me is "how do I not continue on" ...."how do I not buy a boat and just go". I've had that dream in the back of my head for so long it hurts. Life in the states, comfortable as it was, barely sustainable as it was, kept that dream/this dream so far in the back of my possibilities list that there was no point thinking about it. I wrote it off so much, so easily. I was spending $200 a month on my cell phone, internet, Netflix, and hot spot. In the Philippines I can have a 1500 square foot house on the beach for that alone. I was spending $350 for a car, not counting the gas, and that is incredibly cheap for a car. I only needed the car to take me to work, which I needed to pay for the car, that sat motionless all day. I needed the work to pay for my home, that I left empty most of the day so I could go to the job to pay for it.
Whatever you decide to do, is less about money, and more about desire. I walked away from a $70k job 12 years ago, I hung my uniform on the quote "you only get one chance at life, you should choose to be happy". I grew to hate the place (UPS) and I had 18 more years to go before I could retire. I decided that you only get one chance to live, and that...THAT wasn't going to be how I was going to do it.
Which ........
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